Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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