Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
In America we eat man semen.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
