He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im holly from the hills drunk
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
