turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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