things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
