is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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