Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
