i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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