I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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