I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
