You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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