..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dear god my vagina.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
