Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize