Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just cropdusted the office
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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