Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
