OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
