plz talk dirty to me
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
