The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
