Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Success! We fucked roommates!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
