Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
