the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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