I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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