I am puke
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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