What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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