Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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