This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
