just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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