He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
