From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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