The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
