Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
