Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
