Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
