I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
