I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
