i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
