Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just threw up on my dentist
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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