God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
