Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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