i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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