Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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