billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
