I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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