I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
