dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
