I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
