paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When did angry sex become our thing?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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