I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
