I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize