R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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