Yo dont text me then not text me
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
