went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
