We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
