the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
