Got a toothbrush?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
