Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
