Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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