break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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