I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
