i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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