Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
