is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
