So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
