Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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