I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
