I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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