He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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