you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize