I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
