Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
