Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
