do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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