if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
