You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
