no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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