so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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