could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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