So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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